“What's the worst thing you have done in your life? The ugliest, most vile act you've done?
- Why are ..?
- If this was the day of the final judgment, what would you answer?”
He stares in the nowhere, distant, unreachable. Then he looks at her, looks deep into her and quietly answers; “You already know Gisele.”.
Peter takes a sip of his tea and slowly puts the cup on the table in between them; “Gisele, you know the answer. Why ask?
- I want to hear you say it Peter, I want you to admit how badly you have fucked me up. How you have destroyed me.”.
His eyes.... Colder than death.
The silence has fallen among them and yet the world keeps evolving, revolving, fluctuating. Trapped in their very own nightmare, in a macrocosm which keys' have been long lost, they watch each other fall apart day after day, unable to share anything else than hatred.
He takes another sip of his tea while reaching for his jean's pocket; he pulls his cigarettes out and waves the pack in front of her.
“Come on Gigi, we could both do with some fresh air.”
If she were half the woman she wanted herself to be, she would have told him to stuff his fresh air up his arse. If she were brave, she would have left him years ago. No actually, she would never have ever smiled back at him.
If she had some respect for herself...
If only she was any of these things. But she isn't and Peter has her wrapped around his finger. He possesses her heart, her soul and he has isolated her from everyone she has ever known.
“Why don't you simply answer Peter? she asks calmly.
- Fine Gisele, you want to hear me say it? Very well; the worst thing I have ever done in my life is.. Oh fuck this Gisele! I'm tired of your little mind games! We have both mutually destroyed each other, both played pretend. You don't love me, I don't love you either,... why are we having these conversations over and over again?”.
Gisele smiled at Peter and gently slid her hand under his; “Because if we don't fight about how we actually hate each other, then there will no longer be anything holding us together.”.
Peter smiles back at her and caresses her palm.
Peter drops a £50 note on the table and strides towards the exit with Gisele behind him. Once outside, he lights them cigarettes and they inhale in silence.
“So what next Gigi?
- Let's play a game.
- I'm listening...
- Let's play a game called 'fear for your life'.”
Peter slowly turned his attention towards Gisele with a puzzled expression on his face. But before he could answer anything, a violent wave of pain immobilized him. Unable to move or talk, Peter's cigarette fell to the ground as his fingers stiffened. Foamy saliva accumulated at the corners of his mouth and his eyes darted in all directions. He was terrified. Gisele on the contrary was extremely calm, quietly smoking her cigarette while observing Peter fall heavily to the ground, his face twisted in pain.
Gisele threw her cigarette to the ground right next to Peter's face and crouched down next to him;
“I told you it was the day of the final judgment. Too bad you didn't take me seriously. Oh well, guess you will go straight to hell. Any last words?
- Kurwa, yeah? Polish and proud to be up to the very end, she joked. Sweet dreams Piotr.”
Peter convulsed one last time and the light in his blood shot blue eyes died out.
Gisele reached for his head and gently stroked his hair; “Oh you are so much sweeter when you are dead my darling. If only you knew how much I actually love you. You would have loved me back, you wouldn't have tortured me like you did...”.
Gisele caressed his cheek and silently worded an “I love you” before screaming on the top of her lungs; “HELP, PLEASE, HELP!”.
And as Gisele's world grew darker, as strangers hurried around them, as sirens wailed relentlessly, real tears streamed down her cheeks. The first and only man she had ever known and loved would never open his eyes again.
Yet she had to, she had to pour that poison into his drink. She had to end the suffering, the lies, the screams, the fights. She had to put an end to it all.
“Please Miss, we need you to step away from your friend. Come with us.”. Gisele didn't fight or object. She was too weak to even move. The paramedic gently lifted her of the ground and carried her towards the ambulance.
“Miss Bernard, how are you feeling?”.
Gisele looked coldly at the psychiatrist; “How do you expect me to feel?
- Obviously... what I meant and pardon me for being insensitive, how are you coping with your friend's passing?
- I'm not coping. He was the love of my life. I will never forget.
- It's not about forgetting Miss Bernard, it's about allowing yourself to move on.”.
Gisele looked at the psychiatrist with an absent look on her face; “I can't move on.
- Why Gisele? May I call you Gisele?
- Yes. Doctor, I can't move on because I am the one who poisoned Peter.”.
The psychiatrist stared at Gisele for a moment and finally pushed his glasses up his nose. He was carefully thinking of the next step, the right thing to say.
In all the years he had been exercising this profession, never had he yet been confronted to such despair; this girl was consumed by darkness. It literally sweated out of each and every of her pores. She was in the bottom of a pit with no chance of saving. Yet he had to save her. It was his job, his role, his duty.
“Gisele... This is a very serious matter and I want you to think very carefully about what you just said to me.
- I killed Peter Pyszka. I found the poison online, I poured it in his sake and I waited. I knew it wouldn't take long to have effect. All I had to do was to wait.
- Gisele, admitting all this is true, why did you do it?
- You want to hear my story Doctor?
- Yes Gisele, this is what I'm here for.”.
Gisele slides her fingers in her hair and leans back in her chair. She looks through the window and remains silent for a short while. When her gaze meets the doctor's again she sighs out loud and asks; “Can I have a cigarette before we start?”.
The psychiatrist opens one of his desk's drawer and pulls out an ashtray. “You can smoke here. I don't mind”.
Gisele smiles weakly and lights herself a Winston blue. It was time to make peace with the past and let the poison out; Peter would never harm her again. She maybe had lost many battles against him yet in the end she had won the war.
She inhaled slowly and closed her eyes; “Everything started seven years ago, in Paris.”.
For starters, THANK YOU for reading so far. If you liked it, there is more to come on a weekly basis - so friend me ;)
Please comment this article if you wish to be alerted for the next postings,